As promised, here’s a longer post about Cole and Alie.
The most important thing I want to say is that I’m so proud of my wife. I have never been so much in love with her as during her labour. Any given day, I’m already amazed by her strength, willpower, and dedication (her 2 completed Ironman races being the most obvious testament to that). But the effort she made and the love she put into her labour was something awe-inspiring. I love you so much, baby!
As I mentioned in an earlier entry, we turned to the world standard for prenatal care and childbirth–midwifery. Having researched it a bunch, we drew the only possible conclusion any sane person would draw, which is that Canada and the U.S. have a fairly flawed approach to the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth. Which is not to say that anybody (ourselves or the midwives) do not value doctors; it’s just that their training is in surgery and medication… which should be used when “necessary” but not as “par for the course.” To make a long story short, we elected to have a home birth under the care of a midwife, and rented an “AquaDoula” birthing tub as well. For emotional and practical support, we also asked one of Alie’s closest friends, Natalie, to be there with us.
Chapter 1: Home
For the previous week or so, I had been asking Alex, “labour yet?” in the mornings. Finally on the 14th of June, she responded, “I think so.” Well, that woke me up in a hurry! Even though she let me sleep until 08:30 or so, she had been experiencing early labour since 06:30. We knew there wasn’t really anything we could do yet, so we went about our business for a few hours, and eventually called Natalie to say, “Today’s the day!” After she arrived, we ate some lunch, talked a bit, and watched some episodes of House. As time passed, the vague uncomfortable contractions got cranked up a notch and the discomfort was becoming visible on Alie’s face and in her body language.
At around 15:30, I called the midwife to advise her that contractions were getting pretty close. Based on our description, she came for a preliminary check, and estimated that delivery could be about 02:00. Not needing her on-hand, we let her head out. Cue more contractions, and let the “comfort measures” ramp up! This mostly consisted of slow dancing with Alie, letting her have nice warm showers, and giving her massages (lower back but also the front and sides of her hips). Had a bit of food somewhere in there around supper time.
At around 20:00pm, the intensity and timing of the contractions eventually became such that we decided to call our midwife back earlier… while waiting, Alie decided to try to get some relief from the pain by using the AquaDoula, which we were hoping to hold off on using until about 6cm dilation. After the next examination, it was determined that Alie was at only about 3cm dilation. Things were progressing slowly, but the pain certainly wasn’t. As a husband, I admit I felt a bit concerned at that point. Not for medical reasons, but simply because I knew it would be a loooong labour for my poor wife.
We tried to get a bit of rest in bed, but with every contraction I was trying to do an awkward sideways massage thing, and Alie was of course finding it tough to rest during contractions. I think she caught a bit of a doze here and there, but nothing sustained.
During this time, Natalie was invaluable. As I tried to comfort Alie, she was taking care of a tonne of things that needed taking care of. Cold cloths for Alie’s forehead… drinks (which we had to force Alie to sip… she had already been sick a few times and wasn’t in any state of mind to consume anything), even a snack for me (which I only half-ate, and which we discovered the remainder of atop a cabinet a few days later!). She was also awesome at helping out with comforting words, suggestions, and shoulder massages to complement my back massages. I can’t even imagine how it would have gone without her! So awesome….
Now, time starts becoming a bit of a blur for me. As the pain intensified, so did our exhaustion levels. 02:00 came and went with no sign of delivery. I grabbed a 30-minute nap (I think) at some point in time. The four of us were so tired. As tired as I was, I couldn’t even imagine what Alie’s private universe must’ve felt like.
At some point in time, the discomfort was such that all Alie wanted was the AquaDoula, so in we went. I drifted in and out of consciousness while somehow managing to keep massaging her hips and compressing her lower back.
At some point (08:00am?) came a moment I will never forget. Alie’s rhythm changed and her abdomen tightened. The midwife asked, “what was that little thing just now?” to which Alie responded that it felt like an urge to push. No matter how “real” everything had been for me up until that moment, I was simply overcome with emotion. Endorphins kicked in and I was alert as can be. And when I snapped back into the world, there was my wife right in front of me, the strongest and most beautiful person I have ever known. We were face to face, and my entire universe was just her, ready to bring our child into the world. I was so much in love, so proud, and so excited that I just started bawling, the rush of a million positive emotions all around me.
I will always treasure that moment, face to face with my wife, knowing that we were bringing a child into the world.
We decided that it was time to call the families (who wanted to be on-hand), so Natalie graciously made the calls. However, the birth was not meant to happen in the tub after all. Despite the urge to push, things weren’t progressing. To make a long story short, after trying a few different things, the universed decided to play it a bit differently and it was time to go to the hospital.
Chapter 2: The Hospital
At 08:30, we were getting things together for the hospital. Luckily my wife is highly prepared and there were bags already to go. The families had arrived a short while before, and were getting ready to follow us to the hospital.
08:45 or so, and I dropped Natalie and Alie off at the front door. They were already expecting us, since our midwife had called in advance from the house. Wouldn’t you know it, the parking lot was full! I circled around a bit, and prepared to leave the main visitor’s parking to look for an alternative, just as the family cars were also pulling into the same lot. Traded off with Brim (Alie’s youngest sister), who found parking for me while I went inside to join Alie.
The urge to push was strong, the contractions were strong (and somewhat irregular), and it was decided to begin some “medical” interventions… to regulate the contractions, monitor both mom and baby, etc. We also made the decision to go for an epidural when it was offered. The labour had already been very long, and we didn’t know how much longer it would be or what other interventions might be required. It made sense, and our midwife agreed.
At some point in time here, our poor tired first midwife handed care over to the next. After one discussion/examination, it was determined that the urge to push might be a potential cause of bruising to the cervix, which is obviously not a good thing. That was probably one of the toughest things Alie had to go through… your entire body is screaming at you to “push,” and your brain and willpower alone have to tell it, “no.” Using some breathing and concentration (actually, more like “distraction”) exercises, we tried our best, while waiting for that epidural to show up. In the meantime, Natalie’s own baby was overdue for feeding, so she headed out and told us to call her for any reason at all.
That epidural took seemingly forever.
As long as the labour had already been, that wait for relief (not just from pain, but from that god-awfully-difficult “fight the urge to push” stuff) seemed like ages.
11:30 The epidural was in place, and regular “progression” could begin. With the pain under control, I was finally able to nap. Alie had a bit of sleep, too, but nothing like what I conked out for. The families did some stuff, too. I’ve never really asked them how boring it was to hang out for several hours at Tim Horton’s and the waiting room. Since I was able to nap, I got to “jump through time” as it were. Everyone came in for a bit of a visit, and Tine and Brim got schnacks.
Naturally, there were regular examinations as well. There was some debate over whether the baby was posterior or not. Alie didn’t have a “back labour,” so she didn’t think it had been.
I’m not sure if I was particularly clear about this, but the labour at home was progressing very slowly. As it turns out, the labour in the hospital progressed slowly as well. Again sparing the specific medical details of it all, eventually after one particular examination and consultation between us, the midwife, and the O.B. on duty, it was determined that Alie would be scheduled for a cesarean birth.
15:30 – By this point, I was getting into scrubs, Alie was being advised on what to expect, etc., and things were getting ready in the O.R.
18:15 – I was at Alie’s head, a sheet was up blocking the view of her stomach, and everything was underway. I held my beautiful wife’s arm, and we waited.
18:30 – I heard a voice announce, “C’est un garcon!” (incidentally, I had already told them I wanted to announce this… but no biggie). They took him to the warming table, and neither Alex nor I could see him or had seen him yet. I heard a doctor or nurse announce the time of birth, and after a few minutes I was asked to come over to the warming table.
Looking down at my son for the first time, and touching his little forehead and forearms, I just couldn’t believe it. He was awesome. Healthy, making some noise, and looking for all the world like he needed someone to hold him (which I’m sure he did!). I went back to Alex, tears in my eyes, and told her how beautiful he was. A few minutes later, they swaddled him and let me bring him over to Alie; our first moments together as a new family!
What an incredible experience… it wasn’t what we had visualized (a natural home birth, probably in the tub), but it was ours. Life isn’t at all predictable, and although it’s a “cliche” (to non-parents, I guess), I’m just so happy that Cole and Alex are both healthy and happy. My wife is so amazing and wonderful and strong and beautiful… I love her so much. Cole is so amazing and wonderful and strong and beautiful, too. I love him so much!
6:40 or so, with Cole all bundled up, I’m told to take him to the nursery and let him be “skin on skin” with me for a while, during which time they would continue with Alie. As we walked down, we were greeted by our families and Natalie. Someone tried rushing me past, but the families were having none of that. Teary-eyed again, I introduced Cole to everyone. Other than being happy to meet him, the other reaction was, “what’s that middle name? Phineas? What the…?”
Off to the nursery I went. Found a rocking chair, unbundled Cole, and he proceeded to try to feed. Only got a mouthful of hair for his efforts. His breathing was a bit ‘wet’, so I was advised by the pediatrician that we’d let him try to cough it out for the next few hours, after which they’d try some more suction.
Family eventually came into the nursery (I got in crap for this later, but I didn’t care. Even when the nurse said, “only the parents are allowed in here,” I said “I didn’t let them in, but I would have done anyhow.”) and we talked and hung out for a while.
Alie had eventually been taken care of and moved into a private room. As the pediatrician checked Cole (his breathing didn’t get any dryer) and set him up in an incubator, I checked in with her. She was groggy, but wanted to see her son. After going back and forth one more time (I think?), Alie was ready to try being mobile. We wheeled down and hung out with the little guy for a while, and then back to Alie’s room. I went back to check on Cole, and was told that if his heart and breathing rates came down a bit, he could try breastfeeding. Sure enough, at 23:30, a nurse brought him in and showed Alie how to feed him sideways.
Great news for us, he latched on without too many difficulties. After all the other unexpected events, I was prepared for this to be a difficult step as well. I’m so thankful that breastfeeding started up without a problem.
The idea was that he would try his first breastfeeding attempt, and then begin “for real” the next morning. As it turns out, the nurses brought him back every 3 hours for more feeding, which made both of us quite happy.
We had to stay one more day, but nothing too eventful happened. Napped, talked, Cole had his first bath, visitors came by, etc. Then the next day, because Alie was recovering so well and Cole had been released to the care of the midwives, we were able to go home.
Chapter 3: Getting Started
So here we are! Cole liked his first drive, and we’ve slipped into our current routine. Basically, he feeds for an hour or less (it gets faster as feeding becomes more “efficient”), poops 15 minutes later (or sometimes during feeding), gets changed, then sleeps for anywhere between an hour and 3 hours. He likes to “cluster-feed” sometimes (only has a 15-30 minute break before wanting more), and he’s a bit of a noisy sleeper. I’m lucky in that since we’re not bottle-feeding, I don’t “always” have to wake up with him. He sleeps in bed with us right now, so mom and baby half-asleep form a latch for breastfeeding and continue dozing. I just sleep unless he makes louder noises, or unless part of my brain tells me, “he needs his diaper changed!” which sometimes causes me to wake up and do the duty.
He’s a wonderful baby. Each day he becomes a little more alert and a little more active. We can’t wait to see what kind of boy he becomes.
The dogs are fine with him, even when he makes some loud noises. They’ll both sniff him when they have the opportunity, but since Balu’s “mommy’s doggie” and Moby is “daddy’s doggie,” they already have their humans that they’re attached to, and mostly don’t fuss with Cole at all. They don’t seem upset by the new arrival, and aren’t jealous that their attention has been stolen. That’s about all we can ask for!
Our families have been great, as we expected. The grandparents on both sides are quite excited and like to spend time with him. Cole also has 3 great aunties, who are guaranteed to spoil him rotten. Lots of well-wishing from friends and family in all parts of the world, too.
And with that, I’m officially out of steam! 2640 words is a lot longer than most of my 1st and 2nd-year English essays.
Lots of love to everyone!
Greg, Alie, and Cole
